One of the most common session themes I run into with my teen clients is about friendships and how people at school treat them. These teens sit across from me and are visibly upset when discussing who is sitting with who at lunch, who is working with who on projects, and the worst of all--- "being left on read"!!!
As a Gen Xer, I had my run-in with the "Heathers" in my high school. I was made fun of for my clothes, my weight, my lack of athletic ability, and the lack of my own car....you name it, the Mean Girls around me would make fun of me for it.
Fast forward to life as a grown-up. Now the Mean Girls can be anyone. Coworkers who don't get along with anyone, a demanding boss, neighbors who criticize how you cut the grass, and even complete strangers in the grocery store who say mean things to you can ruin your entire day.
Why do we put such value on what others think of us? We are hardwired from childhood to seek the approval of other people. Their validation adds to our sense of self. Belonging to a social group is important to us. When we are not accepted by someone in that group the immediate fear of rejection and being an outcast is realized. But not all rejection is warranted. Many times people will reject others around them when they feel threatened. They may mock someone who they don't understand. We know we shouldn't care what they think of us but we DO CARE!!!
If you know me, you know I quote my sainted grandmother, Mimmie, often. When the mean girls would taunt me she would wipe away my tears, stroke my hair and say "Remember what the Bible tells us: You reap what you sow." She was speaking of Galatians 6:7 which states "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." The Apostle Paul is telling us that while we have free choice in our lives there are consequences with those choices...both good and bad. Paul spends time in Galatians reminding us that we are to do good works through the Spirit and treat each other with kindness and gentleness. This is hard to focus on when your feelings are hurt or if you feel like you are being unjustly accused of something.
When someone cannot control you they will try and control the way in which other people see you. --Remember that! The truth that someone believes for themself is not necessarily the real truth! No matter the situation that you face, you know your truth. You know what you have done, the values you hold, and the
I also think of Michelle Obama's now famous quote "When someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don't stoop to their level. No, our motto is, when they go low, we go high,” from her DNC 2016 speech.
It's important to remember that we cannot control how others treat us or what they say about us. However, we can control how we react and respond to these situations. It's okay to feel hurt and upset, but it's also important to not let these negative experiences define us or our self-worth. Instead, focus on building healthy and positive relationships with those who treat you with kindness and respect. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, rather than tear you down.
The desire for social acceptance and belonging is a natural human trait. However, it's important to recognize that not everyone will accept or approve of us, and that's okay. We should strive to be kind and respectful towards others, but also be confident in our own values and beliefs. Remember to focus on building positive relationships and not let negative experiences define us.
If you or someone you know is struggling with issues related to friendships, self-esteem, or social acceptance, know that you are not alone. Seeking therapy can be a great way to process these difficult emotions and develop tools to navigate these challenging situations. As a trained therapist, I am here to help you work through these issues in a safe and supportive environment.
If you are interested in learning more about my therapy services or would like to schedule a session, please don't hesitate to reach out by email. Together, we can work towards building a more positive and fulfilling future. Remember, you are not alone.
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