Everyone who has ever been in the dating pool knows about the Red Flags. When you start seeing Red Flags you know to be aware. We want to protect ourselves from ending up in a relationship that will hurt us or end badly so we train ourselves to look for the Red Flags of Relationships:
Someone with poor communication skills
Someone who is controlling
Lack of trust
Immature behavior
Drug or Alcohol abuse
A secretive past
A history of joblessness or money troubles
Your friends and family have concerns
They try to divide or isolate you from family and friends
But what about Green Flags? Have you thought of thinking about the characteristics in a person that you WANT in a relationship? Start looking for the characteristics of a partner you DO want when you are dating.
1. You feel like you are your true self with this person. Being yourself is so important. If you are dating someone that allows you to be yourself raise a green flag. Can you be honest and speak your mind without judgement? Do you feel like you be just as comfortable in a baseball hat and t-shirt as you can in a ballgown and high heels? Starting a relationship with someone where you can be your genuine self means that you are building a foundation that is based on the truth and not lies.
2. You feel respected. Dating someone who respects your boundaries is important. You want to be with someone who will not rush you into anything you are not ready for in your relationship either physically or emotionally. You do not feel pressured. You feel like what you are communicating to the other person is heard and honored. Taking time to understand your point of view, even if they disagree, is a form of respect.
3. You have similar goals. Being matched with a partner who wants the same results out of life will help you achieve your goals. Early in your relationship see if your dreams align. Do you both want to have a family? Do you both want to have financial stability in retirement? How are your families of origin alike. Obviously you want to find someone who will support you as you take steps to better yourself with school or career choices but also look for someone who has similar core values. Seek someone who shows kindness, compassion and values being part of a team. This is also a time to see if your faith belief systems align.
4. They challenge you in a good way. You want a partner who will push you to be a better person. They believe in you and the dreams you have for yourself so they push you. Their challenges help empower you to reach the goals you have set out for yourself.
5. Make sacrifices for each other but not too many. Being in a relationship involves sacrifice. It might be simple like switching which side of the bed you sleep on so that your partner is closer to the fan. Sacrifice might be more involved like doing extra to support the household while your partner finishes their degree. You don't have to give up your independence to be in a relationship nor should you expect your partner to do the same. Find a balance and compromise so that both parties benefit and the partnership is strengthened.
Focus on finding the green flags!
Good Luck,
Susan
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